5 weeks left

I had the opportunity to feel what it is really like to be married but single this past week. My entire family left for upstate NY to visit church history sites. I didn't go for a number of reasons, and even though i know i would have enjoyed myself, being home was nice too. Before they left i was thinking that i would be scared at night and bored during the day, but neither idea ever actually became a reality. It has been nice and quiet and i have enjoyed it, but it has been semi lonely, which has made me realize how glad i am to have been able to stay with my family during this deployment (I haven't been completely alone...I have had good friends bring me into their home for dinner most nights which has been fun). But i have had a taste of whats it like to be in my own home. With Nolens deployment coming to an end and me moving in only 5 weeks, this fantasy and dream of being a wife will soon be here. I am so proud of my husband for wearing the uniform of our country, for actively serving the United States of America but i don't think its selfish of me to want him home. I miss him. I will be gone in 5 weeks to start a new and exciting life, that is what my focus has been on to keep me from allowing my mind to go completely insane, but these last couple of months have not been easy. I feel like i am in limbo...everything is one hold. We've got the movers in place, a town home picked out, a bed set ready to be ordered, yet i feel like we are just sitting. Most tell me 5 weeks isn't long to wait and i agree with them, but when you have been waiting for 9 months i find myself getting a little impatient for the last 2. I have refused to let my emotions get the best of me although some days they are easier to control than others haha. I made dinner for myself tonight and imagined what it would be like to have Nolen walk through the door at the end of a work day instead of me eating by myself with the TV as my company. I ache for the small things that for most are daily activities. Besides making dinner with/for my husband the one thing i can not wait to do with him is to have daily scripture study. What a small and silly thing to wish for i know, but when it has been "you and me" for the first year of marriage the "us" really starts to sound good. I am so grateful for the commitment that we made to each other almost a year ago. Without it these past months would have been completely unbearable, but since we expressed our love for each other in a legal way, it has some how strengthened our relationship, learning that if we stick together we can make it through anything. I am excited to see what the 2nd year of marriage will bring. I have looked at this deployment as a gradual step into marriage. We have almost figured out all of the emotional ideas of one another along with the finances (for the most part anyway) the next step is the live in roommate part haha. I have confidence that in only about 2 months we will be getting it under control! :)