5 weeks left

I had the opportunity to feel what it is really like to be married but single this past week. My entire family left for upstate NY to visit church history sites. I didn't go for a number of reasons, and even though i know i would have enjoyed myself, being home was nice too. Before they left i was thinking that i would be scared at night and bored during the day, but neither idea ever actually became a reality. It has been nice and quiet and i have enjoyed it, but it has been semi lonely, which has made me realize how glad i am to have been able to stay with my family during this deployment (I haven't been completely alone...I have had good friends bring me into their home for dinner most nights which has been fun). But i have had a taste of whats it like to be in my own home. With Nolens deployment coming to an end and me moving in only 5 weeks, this fantasy and dream of being a wife will soon be here. I am so proud of my husband for wearing the uniform of our country, for actively serving the United States of America but i don't think its selfish of me to want him home. I miss him. I will be gone in 5 weeks to start a new and exciting life, that is what my focus has been on to keep me from allowing my mind to go completely insane, but these last couple of months have not been easy. I feel like i am in limbo...everything is one hold. We've got the movers in place, a town home picked out, a bed set ready to be ordered, yet i feel like we are just sitting. Most tell me 5 weeks isn't long to wait and i agree with them, but when you have been waiting for 9 months i find myself getting a little impatient for the last 2. I have refused to let my emotions get the best of me although some days they are easier to control than others haha. I made dinner for myself tonight and imagined what it would be like to have Nolen walk through the door at the end of a work day instead of me eating by myself with the TV as my company. I ache for the small things that for most are daily activities. Besides making dinner with/for my husband the one thing i can not wait to do with him is to have daily scripture study. What a small and silly thing to wish for i know, but when it has been "you and me" for the first year of marriage the "us" really starts to sound good. I am so grateful for the commitment that we made to each other almost a year ago. Without it these past months would have been completely unbearable, but since we expressed our love for each other in a legal way, it has some how strengthened our relationship, learning that if we stick together we can make it through anything. I am excited to see what the 2nd year of marriage will bring. I have looked at this deployment as a gradual step into marriage. We have almost figured out all of the emotional ideas of one another along with the finances (for the most part anyway) the next step is the live in roommate part haha. I have confidence that in only about 2 months we will be getting it under control! :)

Almost Done....

We are well past the half way mark, which brings many emotions. Of course i want my man home and i cant wait, but that also means its time to leave CA. These past 9 months have been hard to explain and to deal with so i am so thankful to those who have been supportive. Deployment life has not been what i was expecting although i guess i have to admit that i didn't know what to expect haha. For the past 3 years many people have told me "i don't know how you deal with it, you seem so strong." for a couple of reason. (obvious to those who know my family) the truth is most days i don't feel strong...at all, but i guess you learn how to deal with it when there is no other way. Alisha was taken from us and Nolen was deployed, there was nothing i could do about either situation, but decide that i would keep going. My strength is not my own. I have a strong faith that i can get through anything with the help of our savior. I am scared for change and don't deal with it well, so leaving CA for the un-known will be difficult. I have yet to figure out how my "career" will work but I'm excited to go if it means being with the man i love, and becoming a family with him. There isn't anyone id rather do that with than Nolen Ryan Alatorre. I'm proud of him and although military life so far hasn't been easy i couldn't love it more. I respect and admire those who leave their families to defend our country, to allow us to live in a place where we can worship as we please and receive an education! I admire those wives and families of our soldiers who make the sacrifices also, and i couldn't be more proud to be apart of that life.


oh and did i mention....
NOT MUCH LONGER TILL I HAVE MY BABY HOME!!! WAHOOO!!!

WISDOM TEETH...YAY

yesterday i had the joy of spending a couple of hours in the dentist's office, something everyone is jealous of, i know. my appt was at 11 and i didnt get called back until noon, usually this would give me anxiety and upset me, but for some reason i didnt mind because my anxiety came from somewhere else haha. i was a nervous wreck! My dad was the one who took me because he was my "driver". At one point he turned to me, patted my knee and said "its not that bad, just relax" for anyone who really knows me, that is not possible. When i reminded him of this all he said was, "yeah, true" hahaha oh my poor dad. He was great though! Once i was finally called back my dad followed me for support (yes because i wanted im to) until they had to kick him out. You know our last conversation?? While in the back he actually attempted to calm me down yet again with telling me that when he got his out it wasnt a big deal. He said that not many actually die during the procedure and very few come out with permanent damage, and then the doctor said, "ok Mr Johnson we will see you in about 45 min" my dad turned to me and said "Good luck" oh geeze, thanks dad! I may be exaggerating a little bit, its possible he wasnt that dramatic but he did mention death hahaha. Oh my dad.

I dont remember anything about the procedure....obviously, except the IV going in, which semi made me sick! I dont not do any shot related thing very well. The last thing i remember was asking if dizziness was normal haha. The next thing i knew my dad was calling my name. He asked how i was feeling, i was confused about how i got my sweatshirt on since they had asked me to remove it. My dad started to laugh and like a fool i giggled to. I guess the drugs hadnt worn off yet haha, by the time i got home i looked like an even bigger fool because i was crying, although telling you this is humiliating i was told is totally normal behavior.

My mouth hasnt been bleeding a ton and the pain isnt unbearable, swelling?? so far not toooooo badly, its the meds that are getting to me. I had to lay down for 8 straight hours because because of the dizziness and nausea the medicine produced. I got up occasionally but would have to lay right back down. My family (especially my parents) were great nurses. They gave me a bell to ring when for when i needed something, Elizabeth and my mom would bring my juice and food (yes i was able to eat cottage cheese and rice about 3 hours after getting home) but my favorite favor was Amanda writing the 2 emails that i needed to send out. hahaha she signed me on and i would tell her what to write. My family was great, so far im healing fine, but again the feelings of vomiting are still there and are actually the reason i am writing this blog at 4 am....yay for medicine!!

I wish i had Nolen here, but my dad is a great substitute when it comes to sympathy and giving comfort!! Its not my husband but its the next best thing to perfect.

My Good Deed

Jerica is out of school for Spring Break and Tuesdays happen to be my day off so yesterday we were able to spend the day together and i had a blast. We went to Barnes and Noble (just to look) then to Jamba Juice and to Target. When we walked up to Target, with Jamba Juice in hand, we saw a homeless man in a wheelchair sitting out in the front of the store. My heart sank but i avoided eye contact with him. As we walked through the door we had a feeling of unspoken compassion for what we saw. We didnt go to Target for anything, just for fun. We walked up and down the isles and finally came to the food section. I grabbed and bag of Gold Fish and said told Jerica it was for the man outside, she said, "i'll grab the water". We spent a total of $2.50 on him. Its not a big deal but he was sooo grateful and appreciated our simple selfless gesture. What a great day! I got to spend it with my sister and do an act of service. I love my family sooo much! They are huge examples to me, from my dad all the way down to Elizabeth, they all are and im so glad that they are mine.

Relieved

Since me and Nolen have gotten married i have been worried about my CA cosmetology license since we will be moving to WA once he comes back from his deployment. It has actually been a huge stress, i have searched and searched and have found so many different answers to the questions i have. I finally looked to the military for help and was told that if i worked at the PX then my CA license would be good enough, however, they would take 50% of my earnings and i would be taxed on my half! So basically i would be working for nothing. I immedietly ran to my dad who always knows how to make me feel better (running to Nolen isnt really an option right now) and he was able to calm me down and help me see that for the time it wouldnt be bad, at least i would have a job and i, still semi upset, agreed. Once Nolen called me i told him what i had found out and about how stressful it was. Without asking him to, he went straight to the internet to do some research for me. He found a number to the WA cosmetology department. I was able to call them today and was told that as long as i can prove that i took and passed both a practical and written exam in CA i could recieve a WA license without having to re-examine. I was thrilled. It seems to easy because i have been searching and searching for an answer but i will trust that this is accurate. I have been working with Stephanie Wilde who is a fantastic stylist and who i have learned so much from. It was breaking me to think that once i moved to WA i would be doing military cuts without making much money. I love both my dad and my husband! They are THE most important guys in my life. They know how to handle my stress levels well. haha i guess moving to WA isnt looking soo bad anymore.

getting to it!

Tuesdays are my days off, usually i will wake up later, louge around in my sweats and avoid doing anything, however last nght i decide that today i would be productive! So far i have been. I woke up at 5:30am (ON MY DAY OFF) to go work out. [I want to really get into shap because Nolen tells me how often he goes to the gym and how much time he spends there, so i thought, 'hmmm, maybe i should be doing something too' so i did! I joined CURVES for women and so far i love it.] When my alarm went off at 5:30 am i thought that i would be able to go back to sleep after coming home from the gym, but after looking at my long list of to-dos ive decided that is no longer possible. There is so much that i have to do, oh the joys of being an adult. So...wish me luck in being able to get everything done that i need to!!

What i've got to look forward to...

So...today was fun, i got to practice being a mother AND a wife! On Mondays and Wednesdays i am a nanny for a 3 year old, we were trying to build a train track today which was very difficult to put together. The stupid thing wouldnt work and so the words "what the heck?" came out of my mouth. Immediatly Daniel (the little boy) said "yeah what the heck?" My head shot up and i said "Daniel, we dont say that" "but Lauren you do!" what a classic response. Before i could apologize to him and tell him what i said wasnt nice i first had to stop laughing. I love this little boy so much! he is so fun and i have watched him since he was about 6 months old so he is extra special to me. He made me realize how impressionable and delicate he is. And then when i got home i asked my mom what she had planned for dinner, she asked if i would make it, apparently mom is on a diet and each sister is taking a day to cook dinner. I went to the kitchen and cooked spaghetti and meatballs for 6...however when it was done, i was the only one that came to the table to eat. (everyone was still busy i guess)

Anyway today made me realize how quickly i will have to step up into these 2 roles because Nolen will be home in hopefully 4 months.